okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
