girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
