My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
its not stalking. its research.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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