billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
