I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
