my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize