Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
