I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
