i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
