I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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