I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
