You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
