Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
