Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Success! We fucked roommates!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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