You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
