Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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