Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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