i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Quick, to the slutcave!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
