you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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