I will die if light touches me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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