so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
