I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize