Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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