No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
