the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
