No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize