I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
honey bunches of taint.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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