Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
