Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
