There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
