We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
