I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
