Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
