how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
