you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize