I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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