i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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