So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was like eating out sand paper
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
