He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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