Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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