I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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