New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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