we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
