I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
