The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
not ubering you a puppy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
