first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
