I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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