so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
