Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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