i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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