We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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