Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
