$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
