guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
