what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
