dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
