what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
