Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
