I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
