were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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