k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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