we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
