we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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