yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
