There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
