sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
