Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
