When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
