The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
