I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize