I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
