I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
