The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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