Only a mothe r could love this liver
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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