I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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