I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize