I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
