How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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