Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
