This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
