im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
