I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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