He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
