That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
