im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
