i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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