i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
