You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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