obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
