I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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