We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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