The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
