Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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