Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
