hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
