I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
