Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
