dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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