ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
