did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
