I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
