no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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