he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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