We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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