Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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