apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize