Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
